This is an email Deepa and I got from our friend Jennifer Kumar, an American settled in Kochi for over a year now. She is married to an Indian and has a Masters degree in Social Work from Chennai, India. She is a cross cultural coach who loves to “work, make friends and live a life among others that were different than her”. She raises some interesting points that I have always observed especially after we moved back to India – how different the involvement of the working middle class is in India compared to the Indians settled in the US celebrating Indian festivals and how the NRI’s try to follow Indian traditions at every possible events while just the opposite is happening in India. I am publishing that email with Jennifer’s permission. 
A few reflections... I interviewed you on my blog a while ago. I had a question about being more Indian or easier to be Indian in the US... something like that. I was told my impression was wrong.
Well... since being in Kerala I have observed something interesting. I don't know how it is where you are, but here are some observations from where I live in Kochi. Daily wear
Now a days even in our age group I see more jeans and kurtas. I see salvaars. I rarely see saris in our age group.
In the US, when a fancy party happens or even a semi-fancy party, Desis try to dress to the nines by wearing sari or a fancy salvaar kamiz. Sometimes guys wear mundu or kurta pyjama.
I have seen for the same kind of parties in Kerala that the host may dress up- but the guys will come in fancy pants or kurta and pants (sometimes not even Indian wear) while women come in a fancy salvaar as compared to a sari. Saris relegated to the older set. But even in the 40 plus set, I see a dressing down taking place.
A few specific examples of this include attending a baby’s first birthday party, a community Rotary Onam cultural program and a Kerala wedding. I will detail each below.
The first example is the dress code I noticed at a baby’s first birthday party in Kochi. I'd say the people in our community are kind of equivalent to the Desi crowd I hung out with in the USA. Economically speaking they are upper middle class. They own cars and rent in an affluent neighborhoods and working in software jobs. I dressed in a sari as I thought this would be the dress code. Krishna went in kurta and pants. (Western pants). I was the only one in a sari minus the baby's mom and a few older women (even some older women were in salvaar). This is ironic considering I am the foreigner here! And as for the guys, only elders were in mundu, while many younger men came in pants and western top. Little girls had fancier dresses on than the mothers in many cases. Beside me and baby's mom, no other girls in our age group had saris. This is a common thing I have seen at the five parties I have been in Kochi with one notable exception. The second example is the Onam party we went to hosted by the Rotary. Here women dressed in settu mundu. But interestingly, those who dressed in this did so for dancing thiruvathira. About half the women after dancing immediately went and changed into a salvaar. I was shocked!
And, the last most poignant example is in attending Kerala Hindu weddings. I have attended three weddings in Kochi over the past one year. In these events, I noticed a range of dresses. Indian and western formals and casuals. I was surprised to see kids and teens coming in what I may consider ‘school clothes’ in American standards. They were wearing jeans and a fancy top, or cotton paavada davani, not silk or silk mix. The absence of Kerala sari, even for the bride was the most shocking change. Krishna told me that when he was growing up, one would be hard pressed to see women in anything but settu mundu or at least one piece Kerala sari. But now, we see fancy Kanchipuram pure silk weaves and Indian dresses from all over India (lenghas, saris wrapped in Gujarati style and so forth). On one hand it’s nice to have a variety of clothes acceptable in Kerala. The culture is opening up, but at what cost to tradition and culture?
Coming to India, I was thinking it would give me more chances to wear saris. However, as I see these situations, I feel that many women in my age group don’t even know how to wear saris. I miss the NRI crowd in the US now. In the US Indian crowd I hung out with (both pan-Indian and Malayalee and Tamil groups) people took more efforts to dress Indian and dress more formally - more girls our age wearing saris over salvaars for instance to parties. People also took more care to wear Kerala dresses for Onam parties, even to the extent of being obsessed about it and planning to have things sent to the USA from India via their connections. Or, in some cases, even driving from Rochester, New York to Toronto, Canada to buy or rent clothes from the India towns there.
Another observation I have is that in Mallu clubs in the US people dance thiruvathira and in Xmas programs some dance margam kali. Here in Kerala no one will dance these dances. What I gather from this is that in Kerala people feel fear of criticism from others because they are not professionally trained. Doing it casually for fun like they do in the US is not done here. When our housing development was planning the Christmas party, I asked if we can dance margamkali and a few girls looked like they never heard of this dance, while a few others said 'they cannot dance this' and the rest said it's not possible to do it. When I mentioned that in the US Mallu groups do these dances they were shocked and said "Mallus outside India are more Mallu than we are in Kerala."
My NRI neighbors have said this to me on various occasions without me even bringing it up. Before Onam I told them I asked a few girls if they'd like to try thiruvathira for Onam and I was denied to try it with them. Again I guess for reasons I mentioned above, we talked about that and then the neighbors made a note of how many people they know in Kochi who are ordering Onam meals and not cooking at home. They commented "In the US we have to be more Mallu than here because here we can get others to do the work for us- caterers or cooks or maids."
I would say this leaves me with a most interesting thought to ponder. When living in India, Indians are not giving much thought to their dressing habits or may not even know how to cook. But, living abroad, one HAS to know how to do this if they want to 'be Indian.' (so to speak)
Just some thoughts....
Thanks for reading.
Like to know your thoughts or responses to anything here.
